Maybe I should back up a little bit. Cause...yea...like anyone that isn't around me or just isn't me really knows what the fuck I am talking about...right?
I am Pagan. I am very hard into my spirituality. I am my own person. I am a butterfly. I think I am crazy sometimes. Most people that know me think I am crazy. I don't care much about personal and mental barriers. The only barriers in our lives are ones that are created from our own mind. Remember I said that. I know love is the greatest cure within ourselves. There is great power in energy manifestation and visualization. Remember I said that, too.
I am not going to go into major detail about anything in my life at this point. I will let things reveal themselves and time goes on. The past always has a way of coming out in the future. It is apart of our learning process. Right now I just want to explain where I am today in my mind.
All over the place!!!! lately I have been feeling extremely...fh;sodvh o;ahvodh ahjdc;aoch. Yup! That's a word now. I'm not sure how to pronounce it, but I can sure as hell feel it! I like helping people. it makes me feel good to feel I make a difference. When I feel I am being used...everything goes to shit. It is my own fault really. I freak out. I blow up. I yell. I fight (not physically anymore, stupid assault charges). When it comes down to it, I can only control myself. This is where the problem comes in. I can't control myself. I am full of feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Always thought. Never ending thoughts. I can't stop the thoughts. I over think everything. I get confused most of the time. Everyday is a struggle for me to get through. I have to deal with myself. Everyday I think of suicide. I do long for eternal peace. I have different views about suicide, but I will not touch on it today. I am not condoning the act, either. Judge me if you will, but I will not judge you. Everyone has their own story. No one is right and no one is wrong. We all have to live for ourselves, together. Anywayzzzzz...Everyday I question my purpose. Sometimes I feel I have one. When my purpose doesn't serve me for betterment, I feel my purpose is mute. I question everything I do. I question advice I am giving WHILE I am giving it. Usually I realize the advice I am giving someone else is really advice to myself. But that isn't a bad thing. I look for peace within myself so I can give it to others. I might as well listen to what I have to say. I might learn something.
My strive to better myself is a continuous, daily effort. I do it for me, my children, my family, even strangers I meet along the way. I am hoping this will be a good outlet for me. I am hoping I can reach out and help others. It's ok to be who you are. Its ok to be sad. Its ok. Because even when it isn't ok, its still ok. We are all here. We all have the same fears and anxieties. The difference between the strong and the weak is not what we think, but how we act on those thoughts. It's ok to be...
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